OMG Wednesdays was a magic experience, strange… but magic. It all started with a cauldron. Pretty standard. I had purchased it online from amazon and it cost me a worthy eight pounds.

The ideal cauldron consists of equal parts lemonade to apple juice with a shit ton of vodka in it. What’s this you say, that doesn’t sound very interesting and delicious? THINK AGAIN. Somehow this concoction is delicious and deadly. There is no way to start off a night better than me and my all female flat stirring the cauldron with a huge ladle, cackling like witches and discussing all the things that are wrong with the male race.

My friend from London was visiting and had witnessed the birth of the cauldron on my 18th birthday, of course remembering the legendary carnage it caused. People threw up accordingly and when my parents came in at the end of the night asked why someone was asleep on the sofa and wouldn’t move.


My 18th Birthday Party

I think that she was very pleased to see that two years later it had risen again and become a regular thing to start a night off, ensuring that every night would be a messy one. At least you can guarantee that you wont remember it. Especially when desperate student times resort to the cauldron being made out of tequila, gin, vodka, flat own brand cola and some apple juice two weeks past the sell by date.

On a beautiful Wednesday night the cauldron began and with the boredom of overplayed drinking games we created a new one before more people came for pres. Tie a knot in the middle of a strawberry lace, two people have each end in their mouth and the first one to get to the middle wins. Loser had a toffee vodka milk shot but the shot was delicious so who’s the real loser now? More people came and we got rowdier, it was time to go to the club.

OMG was my kind of scene. There was a 6ft 5 drag queen pole dancing, cheap drinks and these weird mini cage things where some half naked guys started dancing. It was confusing because they just looked like ordinary men that had decided to take their clothes off. They were wearing matching underwear so either gay guys all wear grey Calvin Klein’s or it was planned.

Then people started to trickle off, going home with one night stands, tired or whatever. There were three of us left, always the last man standing. It started to get awkward when the guy we were with tried to get with my friend from London and I’m just trying to role away like the third wheel I am, dancing on my own no worries just FOREVER ALONE. She didn’t want to get with him so I just became the cock block, another role I love to play.

We were on our way out, so close to the end until I noticed the dildo arcade machine. Of course I then decided to spend two pounds trying to win one but it was a joke, there was no way a tiny crane could have picked up that two-foot long big black dildo.


Got back to the flat with a missed call from my ex-ex boyfriend. I called him back and somehow we ended up talking about how it would be a great idea if he came to visit me in Bristol… from Glasgow… after a year of not seeing each other. I hung up because food took priority and my friend and me ate some tomato pasta and cheese.

Then at 4am I got some screen shots, a booking receipt of not only one but two coach tickets that were needed to get from Glasgow to Bristol, changing at Birmingham which would take a total of 12 hours.

In the morning I wondered if the cheese from the pasta had given me nightmares but it was true, OMG indeed. That had actually happened. He didn’t come. I texted him saying that obviously this was a bad idea and I would pay him back half for the inconvenience. He also agreed that it was crazy but I did wonder how he managed to spend the time typing in card details for two separate coaches.

We finished off the night with my friend trying to have a DMC in my bed and wouldn’t get out but I managed to fall asleep with her talking to me so it was fine.

So… pretty standard evening in my life. It all worked out in the end, boy drama sorted out, I wasn’t the owner of a ridiculously sized dildo that shouldn’t be sold for medical reasons and I had a large 50% off burrito to cure my hangover.

If I were to make a suggestion to the club it would be to have more arcade machines and pole dancing drag queens to make sure that your night of horrible decisions has some sparkle to it.

Would recommend.



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